Cerulean Skies by Cara Eiland

Author’s Note:

This is a revision of our first creative response which is also meant to be the story for our short story.

This is a revised edition of the fiction which now opens with Evelyn’s and her companion Roderick’s flee to find safety from the ‘Blitz’.   I will continue this fiction, as I end here, with a flashback to a few hours before with Roderick and Evelyn’s first meeting at a social dance.  Then the plot will go back to where Evelyn is left on her own (may add a brief action scene of Roderick distracting the guards or of Evelyn evading the guards).  Evelyn escapes; she and Roderick do not meet up for a long while.  Evelyn does her own duty to aid her country…and she and Roderick meet up again and a slight romantic, cheesy moment happens…the end?

My question is if this has enough focus on showing what is happening with the characters instead of telling.  These are the issues Dr. Acevedo told me I need to work on.

What do you guys think?

Cerulean Skies

Chaos surrounded the city.  Flames of fire roared, smoke made it difficult to breathe, and screams of the innocent pierced the night. You could still hear planes flying in the sky, along with the dropping of bombs as they hit their targets.  More screams filtered the air and the piercing roar of the warning siren did nothing to impede the torment and fear we were already under. 

Evelyn had thought this night would be an unforgettable event as it was her first night in London.   But who knew on the night of September 7, 1940 would be a life-changing event that would alter not only her life, but the world. 

She was running.  Their destination unknown.  Her life was in the hands of a man she had only met a few moments ago. 

 "You all right there Evelyn?  We are almost at headquarters.  There you will be safe," said Roderick.

 Her breathing was hectic with the combination of smoke, fear, and fatigue was having an effect on her body. 

 "Y...Yes, I am making it,” said Evelyn with panted breathes.  He noticed that she was wearing out, but he kept her going, pulling her along like the soldier he was.

Roderick furrowed his eyebrows and had a determined look upon his face, "Don't worry Evelyn, I will make sure you're safe and I will try to find your aunt". 

 His fearlessness and strong will gave her confidence.  Evelyn picked up the pace, so he was not practically dragging her. 

  With his back facing Evelyn she looked at his form.  His once immaculate white lieutent-colonel uniform was now smudged with soot, turning it a mixture of grey and black.  She cannot seem to look away from his form as she notices that on his suit and hands were the traces of blood. 

Slight flashback to minutes before:

The colonel had lost one of his comrades tonight.  Philip was his name and he saved Roderick from a falling pillar.  Roderick ran over to aid Philip who was now on his knees, looking down towards his stomach.  Roderick noticed the piece of timber embedded in his stomach and the damage it had done; that Philip's lungs were pierced and with the predicament we were under and with no resources to help stop the bleeding, both soldiers knew Philip's fate.  Philip looked at Roderick, whose face was sullen with regret for his childhood friend, but Philip looked up at him with a sullen smile.

  Evelyn was so caught up in the moment that she did not see the falling debris heading her way.  Roderick noticed and he ran towards her.  There, she found herself lying on the ground with Roderick's body shielding her from danger.  He looked at her, checking her over to see if she had any injuries.  Evelyn stared at his eyes, his once sarcastic and playful cerulean eyes that now held regret in them. 

  We picked ourselves up; there was no time to waste.  Roderick did not look back, he only marched forward.  Evelyn; however, glanced behind her shoulder where Philip once stood was now consumed by roaring fires and debris.  She knew that Philip had fallen to his death and Roderick had to leave him to save her.  Evelyn faced forward, trying not to show her tears.  What little tears do fall is caught by Roderick.  He is facing her now, they are inches apart and she is able to hear his heartbeat.  It is not as erratic as her own, but a steady rhythm.  Even though he has lost his friend, his will has not faltered.

  He places his hand on her face, catching the fallen teardrops with his fingertips.  He stares at the drops on his fingers and then looks into Evelyn’s eyes.  She stares back, trying to grasp what he is feeling.  She sees a man who has dealt with many hardships.  Though he may seem arrogant and a flirt, he has seen his own demons. 

There are no words exchanged through them.  Roderick removes his hands from her face and takes her hand back into his firm grasp as they continue their escape through the streets. 

***Will insert the first meeting and dance scene here***

Flash forward to Evelyn and Roderick running: 

As Roderick guides Evelyn through the alleyways of the streets to evade detection from the German air rade, the lieutenant-colonel immediately stops.  He presses Evelyn against the wall with him shielding her to keep their selves in the shadow of the alley.  Evelyn is about to ask what was wrong, but Roderick covers her mouth to keep her from making noise.

Roderick glances to his left and Evelyn follows his line of vision.  There, a few yards away from them are German soldiers that are scouting for survivors.  They are armed and outnumber Roderick who has only a pistol and dagger on him.  Roderick is a strong and capable man to ensure his safety, but it is the danger of leaving Evelyn on her own that worries him.  If Roderick were to face the soldiers, there was a chance that Evelyn could be found by one of the soldiers and held as a hostage against him.  Roderick had to make a decision that would determine their safety.

Roderick grasped my shoulders and looked towards Evelyn with determined eyes, “Evelyn, I am going to make a distraction that will draw the soldier’s attention away.  All of the soldiers eyes will be on me, but you need to keep in the corners of this alleyway to the left of me so that you are not detected.  Can you do this?”

Evelyn’s mind drew a blank for a moment as she tried to grasp the situation.  She knew that once they acted, there was a chance that they may not meet again.  She would be on her own.  She was scared and Roderick could see that.

Roderick took her face into his strong hands, “I know this is going to be a challenge for you, but I know you have the strength to do this.  That is what drew you to me this night.”     Evelyn was alarmed by his confession and looked at him with questionable eyes. Roderick continued with a smirk on his face, “I saw within you the strength and determination to live a life unchained.  You are only halting now because of the fear you have yet to let go that is engrained into you that you need someone to lead the way.” His face hardened into a serious scowl, “This is not the time to wallow in fear.  You have two strong legs and must keep going.  No matter how hard the struggle, as long as you have the will to keep on living, your determination will see you through the end.”

            Though he was a bit arrogant, Evelyn was uplifted by his speech.  Never has she come across a person who spoke with such strong-willed.  At first, she thought his eyes held mischief, but now she sees in his clear cerulean eyes a beacon of hope and determination.

            Evelyn gathers her wits and stands taller.  She looks at Roderick with new found determination that results in Roderick smirking. “There we are now…there’s the hidden tiger I knew that was in you.   How does it feel to be uncaged,” he said with a glint of playfulness in his eyes. 

            Evelyn retorts back with her fists clenched at her sides, “Let’s do this!”  Before Roderick lets her move, he takes her hand back into his and takes out a blank sheet of paper.  Inside he writes a note, along with his own signature declaring that Evelyn was with him and she is in need of security.   He takes off his ring that has the emblem of his rank and hands it to Evelyn.

            “Now, when you reach the entrance to the headquarters, you show them this ring first.  They know that this ring would not easily be removed from my own body, so they know that you are not a thief, or worse a spy.”  He smirks again and Evelyn attempts to not glare at him for that little comment.  This is not the time to make sarcastic comments. 

            He hands her the note, but does not let go.  “You will make it Evelyn,” Roderick says with

confidence, “and we will meet again,” he adds with a smirk, “these Germans may outnumber me, but I am

known to be the dodger of the streets,” again a glint of mischief in his eyes, “this is my backyard they have

invaded,” he adds with a predatory look, “and it’s time for me to take out the trash”.